E for Emergency

Me: Dude. She's in the emergency room. Quick, grab your stuff, we have to save her.
(-Cat grabs a toy and rubs his face in cat nip-)
Me: Seriously?
Cat: Meow.
Me: Maybe you're right. Hold on. (Pulls up phone). Oh...she just got scratched by her other cat.
Cat: Meoooooowww!
Me: Sorry, buddy. I'll grab the beer.

Meeeeoooowwww

Me: Hey. There's a cat outside meowing at the front door.
Cat: Meow.
Me: What do you mean you have a date?!
Cat: Meow meow.
Me: That's ridiculous, Cat. I thought we said 'screw girls' for a while.
Cat: Meow.
Me: No. That's not what I meant.....I meant screw them like......nevermind.

Cat Drinks?

Me: When She left you ere, where ew scaret?
Cat: Mreorw.
Me: I cran rimagine.
Cat: Mreoooow.
Me: I misssss herr rooo.
(-..............-)
Me: Wannnanotherr beeer?

Cat is Missing Out

Me: Did you hear that guy from Community is a rapper?
Cat: Meow Meow.
Me: How do you not know about Community?
Cat: Meow.
Me: Touche.

Dreaming of Sleeping

Me: Hey. I can't sleep.
Cat: (Purr)
Me: Yeah. I'm tired too. I just can't sleep.
Cat: Meow.
Me: What do you mean I woke you up? You're eyes were open...
Cat: Meow meow.
Me: You sleep with your eyes open? So how will I know if you're asleep or not?
Cat: (Purr)
Me: Cat?

Lazy Sunday

Me: (Yawn)
Cat: (Yawn)
Me: What do you think we should do today?
Cat: Meow meow.
Me: No. Last time we chased birds, I fell off the balcony and broke my wrist.