Reverse Psychology

Me: Hey Cat. I have some left over eggs. Do you want 'em?
Cat: Meow.
(-Cat uses his paw and dumps the eggs all over the floor-)
Cat: Meow.
Me: What do you mean disgusting? I'll eat them if you don't.
Cat: Meow meow.
Me: Shut up. You know I'm trying to watch my weight.

Excuses, Excuses

Cat: Meow.
Me: Hey buddy. I'm working on the web series.
Cat: Meow meow.
Me: I know I was supposed to have it up two years ago. I got busy.
Cat: Meow, meow.
Me: Shut up. You don't even know what that means.

Weeds

Me: She's gone. You can come out now.
(-Cat crawls out of a hole in the wall-)
Cat: Meow?
Me: No. She just wanted her box set of Weeds back.
Cat: Meow meow.
Me: I know. Finished it yesterday....high-five.
(-Mike holds up his hand. Cat looks at it, and turns away-)
Me: Right.

She's Back?

(-Door rings-)

Me: Cat! Can you get that?!..........Cat?!........Cat!

(-Mike runs downstairs where Cat is staring at his ex-owner/Mike's ex-girlfriend at the door-)

Cat: Meow.

Me: My sentiments exactly.

Cat? Killer?

(-Mike walks in the door-)

Me: Holy shit....

Cat: Meow meow.

Me: What do you mean you got bored? I've only been gone a week and a half.

Cat: Meow.

Me: Well...........is that blood on the floor? Whose bra is that?

Catcifixion

Jesus: Why you gotta do this, Dad? Why must this happen to me?
Cat: Meow meow.
Jesus: I know that. What else would they use those nails for?

Creepy Plotting Cat

Me: (over answering machine) Hey Cat. It's me. My flight just landed here in the Big Apple. Have fun while I'm gone. Be safe. Nothing too crazy. I'll see you when I get back. (beep)
(-Room is dark with a single candle lit. Cat is staring at a picture of his ex owner/my ex girlfriend-)
Cat: (Purr)