Catcifixion

Jesus: Why you gotta do this, Dad? Why must this happen to me?
Cat: Meow meow.
Jesus: I know that. What else would they use those nails for?

Creepy Plotting Cat

Me: (over answering machine) Hey Cat. It's me. My flight just landed here in the Big Apple. Have fun while I'm gone. Be safe. Nothing too crazy. I'll see you when I get back. (beep)
(-Room is dark with a single candle lit. Cat is staring at a picture of his ex owner/my ex girlfriend-)
Cat: (Purr)